Wow. It's been forever since I've been on here. What's everyone up to? Y'all need to submit more work, show the talent you have. I can say the same for myself. I really miss writing the poetry I use to. Almost feels as though I can't because I'm not as emotional and confused as I use to be. Still feels good to remember the emotions sometimes though, and look back on everything I've put on here. I'm gunna try to slowly, yet surely get back into writing significant poetry...I'm gunna try to submit a poem today, and I'd greatly appreciate it if some of you could comment and let me know what I should work on lol. I'm sure there's some elements of poetry I'll be lacking. I just really want to continue. Talents as these should never stop progressing, though we may feel stuck sometimes. That's why we need other's feedback!! : )

As for an update on my life...

I'm actually pregnant! Bout 12 wks along. Had the first ultrasound on Tues. You can see the babys head and buttocks. It's amazing. Knowing I'm going to be a mother come April is amazing! Scary too. My first priority now is to make sure I commit to being a mommy first and foremost and bringing that child up the way I wish I was.

The child is that of Jaron Neans. I actually met him at basic training last yr. We've only spent those 9 wks of basic and then ten days that I went to visit him in TX together. Ten days was enough for us to completely fall in love, however. And ever since basic which ended in Oct. of last yr, we've kept in touch. Come March is when we really started talking all the time, only over the phone, but every night, usually all hrs of the night. Always seems to happen that way... In July, I finally got to see him since Oct. It was also an amazing experience to finally see him again. Weird, but in a good way lol. He's no longer in the army (long story), but I'm still entitled to my obligation to the National Guard. there's much more involved, but to make the long story short, he drove all the way up here to MAINNNE from TEXASSS bout a month ago to come be with me and well...start a family. We love each other, but sometimes I ponder, is love enough to make this work?

I have much more faith than I use to, which will probably bind us together, but it's truley up to us. Life is what you make it, despite how shitty it can be.

Getting pregnant isn't what I expected nor what I hoped for but shit happens. It immensely changed the plans I had for myself (go figure), and is def. going to postpone my chances for a successful career for a while. Nevertheless, I will never regard my child as a mistake. He/she is a blessing from God himself, and I don't doubt that for a second. So like I said, all I can really do now is try to be the best mother that I can be. Maybe I can make up for my mother's slack. She and I get along SOOOOOO much better these days though. My God, that's amazing too haha. Never thought it to be possible, but anything is possible with a lil bit of faith and determination.

I'm still attending college this semester. My major is still Psych...but that'll probably change. Not that I don't like psych, cuz I very well do. I just think there's other things I want to do with my life...for a career. Y'all may think this is crazy but I'll probably become a minister or something. We shall see. After my baby's born, I'll probably be a stay-at-home-mommy for at least a year, and only take a couple online courses during that time period.

Man I've changed so much, know that? No you wouldn't know. I guess only I can express it thru words and poetry, or at least attempt to. But I'd really like to help people with my poetry again.

On another seperate note, the man I've wrote most of old poetry from last yr about is now in the Navy, training to become a Master Arms which is basically the Navy's infantry. I'm scared for him...I still love him. Idk if I'll ever stop loving him. I don't feel nearly the same passion that I felt for him last yr, but he's still one of my greatest and truest friends, and I just want him to be safe and make the right decisions. It's what I want for all of my friends of course. I love them to death, and beyond. What sucks is that Jaron and I want to get married soon. We're just not ready for that yet because we've been fighting a lot lately, and have realized that we need to change a lot about ourselves for ourselves AND each other first. And that's not all. I found out recently that Jeremy (the one in the Navy now) did think about starting a relationship with me at one point, but didn't because he was leaving for the Navy. Eh. That really makes me think, but people tell me I just need to let it go. Because it's best for all of us...the family that I want to make and keep.

I'm hoping for the best outcome, as anybody else would. People plz comment. I'd like some opinions. The only other things I can do is are wait...and hope...and change. Those are all virtues to have.